The Grief of Letting Go
- Torre Boyd
- Mar 17
- 3 min read
We hear it all the time: "Cut them off!" "Protect your peace!" "No one is worth your mental health!" And while setting boundaries is crucial, what we don’t talk about enough is the quiet, heavy grief that comes with standing firm in that decision.
Because the truth is—if it was easy, it wouldn’t hurt.
The Loss Inside the Choice
Choosing yourself doesn’t always feel empowering in the moment. Sometimes, it feels like a hollow victory. You know the relationship—whether it was a friend, a family member, or even a long-time colleague—wasn’t healthy. You know their presence was draining you, diminishing you, or making you question your own worth. You know you did what was necessary.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t miss them. It doesn’t mean you don’t replay the good moments or wonder if there was another way.
Letting go means accepting that the version of the relationship you wanted—the one you hoped for—is never going to happen. And that’s where the grief sets in.
The Grief That No One Talks About
We associate grief with death, but in reality, grief exists in every kind of loss. The loss of trust. The loss of hope. The loss of shared history. Even when someone is still alive, you can mourn them like they are gone, because the relationship as you knew it is gone.
There’s grief in realizing someone won’t change. There’s grief in acknowledging that love, no matter how deep, doesn’t always mean respect. And there’s grief in knowing that sometimes the people who should have protected you, cherished you, and supported you… didn’t.
And yet, you still feel their absence.
Honoring the Grief Without Undoing Your Growth
When the grief creeps in, it can be tempting to reach back out. To second-guess yourself. To wonder if you were overreacting, if maybe this time they’ll be different. This is where standing firm is both the hardest and most important part.
So how do you move through the grief without undoing the progress you’ve made?
Acknowledge the loss – Just because the decision was right doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. Let yourself feel the sadness, the anger, the disappointment. It’s okay to mourn.
Resist the revisionist history – When we grieve, we tend to focus on the best parts and ignore the reality that led us to this place. Yes, there were good moments. But don’t let nostalgia erase the reasons you had to walk away.
Find closure within yourself – Not every ending comes with a neat conclusion. You don't gain closure from other people. Sometimes, closure is deciding that you deserve more peace than the relationship was offering you.
Fill the space with healing – When someone exits your life, there’s an emotional gap left behind. Fill it with people who pour into you, with hobbies that reconnect you to yourself, with self-compassion for the choice you had to make.
Remember: Grief is proof that you lived – You grieve because you loved, because you hoped, because you wanted something better. That doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice—it means you’re human.
The Other Side of Grief
Eventually, the ache lessens. The pull to check in fades. The emotional noise settles into a quiet acceptance. And one day, you’ll look around at the life you built—the peace you chose—and realize that while grief had its season, healing had its place too.
Standing firm on your decision doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It just means you love yourself too. And that kind of love? That’s the one that will carry you forward.
Grief in any form is still grief, and healing is not a straight line. But choosing yourself is never the wrong decision. You deserve peace. You deserve softness. And you deserve the kind of love that doesn’t make you question your own worth.
What’s one thing you’ve learned about letting go? Let’s talk about it in the comments. 💛
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